He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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