Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
