yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
