Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
