I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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