Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
