Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
