Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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