I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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