No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
