I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
