after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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