I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
