Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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