Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you inspire me to be a worse person
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
