He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
