I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
