So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
