just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
