the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
