apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
