He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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