My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
