No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
