He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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