Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
