i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I need moral support for this bender
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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