you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
