winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
