proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
