why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
