he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
