I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
