I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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