She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
