I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
