There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
