he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
