nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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