yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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