his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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