My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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