just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
