just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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