is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
