It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
