I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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