Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
