I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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