No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
