all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
