dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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