there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
