I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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