My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
