maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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