i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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