i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
